Doctor-patient Relationship Ponderer Gifts

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

Waiting for Pants

'Where does it hurt?'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

"He wants to know what's taking me so long."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

Chess players covered in cobwebs

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

'This is only a placebo, but trust me, it works!'

'The doctor will see you as soon as he shrugs into his god suit.'

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

"I guess laughter isn't the best medicine after all."

I'm suffering from kleptomania, Doctor. Can I take your temperature?...

"You know, you wanting to get a second opinion is very insulting to my medical degree."

"We apologise for the delay..."

Chess Cobwebs

"Get me a psychiatrist, preferably one with military experience."

'What's your opinion of National Health care?' 'I hate to think of malingering being a Federal crime.'