Doctor-patient Relationship Critic Gifts

'The doctor will see you as soon as he shrugs into his god suit.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'Where does it hurt?'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Surgical Self-Service

Have you drugged your child today?

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"From one to ten, ten being the worst, describe how poorly drawn and antiquated this pain chart is."

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

"Not every day you get a health minister in the surgery..."