Doctor-patient Relationship Critic Pillows

'The doctor will see you as soon as he shrugs into his god suit.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'Where does it hurt?'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"From one to ten, ten being the worst, describe how poorly drawn and antiquated this pain chart is."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Not every day you get a health minister in the surgery..."

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.