Doctor Visits Gifts

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Of course, I'm the only person you know without a cure for your cold. I'm a doctor.'

'He's looking for a doctor that hugs.'

Doctor visiting a lady with a sore throat

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

Taking blood pressure

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Sorry, I don't like your opinion either, can I have a fifth?"

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"The first one's just a warning."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Hospital Departments

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'