Medical Visit Gifts

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital Departments

Hospital.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'