Doctor's Visit Gifts

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'No. I said, 'Inhale deeply, and hold your breath.''

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I hope you're not one of those kids who have trouble swallowing pills."

'What do you mean there's no wait to see the doctor? I brought a picnic lunch and lots to read!'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'How are we going to play this...Good receptionist, bad receptionist?...'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"When I said you should take a walk every day I didn't just need to see me!"

"I should be coughing more easily - I've been practising all night!"

"If something doesn't kill you... you'll live forever."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

Your nose is running...which I guessing is more than I can say for your feet.

'You have nothing to worry about. You're only imagining you have hypochondria.'

"What is your ideal weight?"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

That rattling sound in your chest doesn't concern me as much as that rattling sound in your head.

Your problem is supply-side gastronomics.

"I have inoculation issues."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The first one's just a warning."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Barbeque Casualty.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Being Serenading in Casualty