Child's First Doctor Visit Gifts

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

A midwife holding a baby

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"So what brings you in today?"

Pediatrics: Anatomy

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

The Children's Hospital

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'I don't know why babies always want to pull my nose.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."