Child's First Doctor's Visit Gifts

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"So what brings you in today?"

Pediatrics: Anatomy

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'I usually don't make house calls but I'm glad to make an exception in your case, Gran'ma.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."