Hospitalization Gifts

"I wish I had spent more time responding to emails."

Lucky break.

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

Patient's meal.

'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Exercise is good for your rehabilitation, you can start by cleaning the toilets.'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

Board meeting taking place at a hospital bed.

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'It's worse than we first thought. She even stopped lying about her age.'

"The poor old doggie will miss your chair when you come home."

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

Nurse to other about patient: 'We're all pulling for a speedy recovery.'

'I'm saying I want to share your pain you selfish bastard.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'What are YOU doing here?'

'This is typical of you. Lying in bed all day, expecting to be waited on, hand and foot!'

Get well soon.

"My main problem ow is physician-assisted bankruptcy."

'You're thinking too much about your business.'

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

"You call all this a side effect?"

Hospital Visit

"There's just time for you to sign your paperwork..."

"You need more action in your life."

Unsuitable hospital reading material.