Being In The Hospital Gifts

'Laughter is the best medicine. So... Here you go!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

Barbeque Casualty.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Balloon drip.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'