Being In The Hospital Pillows

'Laughter is the best medicine. So... Here you go!'

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Balloon drip.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Very funny!'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'