Hospitalizing Pillows

Patient

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Balloon drip.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"