Hospital Habitation Pillows

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'I admire your floatibility.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Balloon drip.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'