Hospital Residency Pillows

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Balloon drip.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"