Being Hospitalized Prints

Words of comfort from the trophy wife.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Balloon drip.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Very funny!'