Hospital Systems Gifts

'I'm not a visitor - just next in line for that bed when you've done with it.'

Emergency room notice - 'Wait hours, or go home'

'Nurse will be with you as soon as she's filled out the form requesting the paperwork to requisition the permission to fill out the form to see you!'

'You can visit your mum in Ward C from 2 am until 3, Ward D from 3 until 5 am then it'll be Ward C until 6 and the corridor after that...'

'Follow the solid line.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Virtual Doctor

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Coronavirus Global Alert

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Doctors Discussion

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."