Healthcare System Gifts

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'Free healthcare for everyone!! Except you pay for this and that, and surgeries, medication, and a bunch of other stuff...but what a victory for the average american!'

'I cant give you a raise because I'm going broke supplying you with healthcare.'

'Everything looks okay so far, but I'm ordering more tests to justify my colossal fee.'

Donald Came Out Of The Recovery Room This Morning But Had To Go Back After Seeing The Bill.

'I already gave you a second opinion -- you could never afford my first one.'

'Doctor, we have some new forms for you to fill out.'

"Your latest test results indicate that you should accelerate your payments to us."

Last Chance to Buy Health Insurance

"Your health insurance only kicks in when you can run 100m in under 10 seconds."

"Stick out your tongue and your wallet."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.