Medical Systems Gifts

Hospital - "Do you have an appointment."

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

"Supersize surgeries will not prohibit an individual service, this for example is individual No 1347/98c."

Hospital Charges: TV ?1 Phone ?1 Nurses 1p per minute.

'I tripped over a red line.'

Mr Pilfrey had been in longer than most...

'I've got a list of fantastic doctors..."

The nurse of the future

The MEDICARE Shadow Knows...

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Lactose Intolerant

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."