Medical System Explorer Gifts

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

'Medical science is this close to finding a cure for the common evil vapors.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

DNA doctor

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

Medicare: More is Better!

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'Our experimental laser O.R. is in there.'

"Hello, A and E, which department do you need, stabbing, shooting or general GBH?"

'It came in just in time for Valentine's Day.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have Alzheimer's."

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

'These tablets are magic and not habit-forming, as long as you don't miss taking one every single day...'

Thin man enters 'Closed and Narrow MRI', heavy man enters 'Open and Wide MRI'

Medical Marijuana - Laughter Is The Best Medicine

'Calvin has laryngitis, but he never complains.'

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

'I still haven't built up a tolerance for medical co-payments.'

Patient tangled in IV tubes.

'Mister Rumley, have YOU been taking any of Major's atropine tablets?'

'What've you got for a headache?'

"I had a terrible time finding a doctor that still makes house calls!"

"I've found a diagnosis on the internet...maybe I should get a second opinion from my doctor."