Medical Plan Explorer Gifts

Medicare: More is Better!

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

A man's health care options.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'Our experimental laser O.R. is in there.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."