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Medicare: More is Better!

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

A man's health care options.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'Our experimental laser O.R. is in there.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."