Healthcare Systems Explorer Gifts

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Medicare: More is Better!

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

A man's health care options.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

Health costs soaring in the U.S., Americans are going to other countries for medical care.

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."