Health Explorer Gifts

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I eat a head of garlic each day and have never had a problem social distancing."

"It's your choice, medicate or meditate?"

'Now what do we do? All our experimental subjects called in healthy!'

A man's health care options.

'It's complicated, Mister Datton - It seems your good cholesterol is actually born-again bad cholesterol.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"As you pass that box of leaves around, I'll explain how I learned I was immune to poison ivy!"

Atkins Diet Clinic

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Our main medical therapy is homeopathy for us and our pets."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"When you said 'Alternative medicine'. . ."

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

'Let me put it this way, you're an addict, and your grocer is a pusher.'

"That's a side-effect of self-education – self-medication."

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

'Let's try some subtractitives, to offset all the additives.'

"We're living la vida yoga!"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"I'm just traveling until antibiotics stop working."

Guinness is good for you. Could I get a copy of that sign to show my doctor?

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Hmm... remarkable for your age. Either you are an outlier or an out and out liar."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.