Health Explorers Gifts

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

'I like the property - but I'm rather worried about the sugar content.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Great, now we're lost."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

Lactose intolerance.

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'I don't know, doc. I'm okay. It's just that I don't feel as happy as a clam.'

"One coping mechanism I suggest to deal with uncertain times is to eat as much as you can, gain a lot of weight, and then go have a nap for six months or so."

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

"Yes, you've mentioned this 'Facebook' in the past—tell me, is 'Facebook' saying anything right now?"

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

A man's health care options.

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Sounds like you're suffering from slow self-esteem."

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"This is absurd!" "This is incredible!"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Zumting has caused dis great trauma...any idea vhat?" "Well...we were at a red light watching the guy in the car next to us eat French fries...then...alll of a sudden, she looked right at him and he...he...lit a cigarette."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'