Health Visitor Gifts

"Brian's a bad health visitor."

It's quite remarkable - your baby looks exactly the same as every other baby I've ever seen

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital.

Science and Coronavirus

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'