Clinic Visitor Gifts

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

'No, I'm not here to see the doctor-just the magazines.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"Are you the one with the preexisting condition or the one with just the existing condition?"

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Sperm Bank, the bank that likes to say yes... yes!... YES!

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'I'll be with you shortly, just keep worrying.'

"Dr. Lance will see you about your mole now."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital.

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital