Health Visitor Pillows

"Brian's a bad health visitor."

It's quite remarkable - your baby looks exactly the same as every other baby I've ever seen

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital.

Science and Coronavirus

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

The Children's Hospital