Frustrated Foodie Gifts

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

Cook struggles to open sauce jar.

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'My French is not so good.'

"He's a fussy eater."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

Supermarket Aisles.

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

Another Bloody Cookery Show

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

What do you suggest for someone on a diet who wants to leave room for dessert?