Foodie's Dilemma Gifts

If you eat like that you'll get fat and die.

Dieting Motivation.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

'If carrots are so good for night vision, why don't cats eat them?'

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

Supermarket Aisles.

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

Instagram!!!

"Simply put, our 'Nostalgia Special' is the 'Catch' of yesterday."

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"Give me the menus—you've kept the chef in suspense long enough."

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

This fly is doing the backstroke

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

'This morning I became a vegetarian. . .'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

'I hate when I'm on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button and I have to get off & eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

The old good cholesterol, bad cholesterol routine.

'He's messing with my mind. He ordered a plain donut and a chocolate bagel with sprinkles.'

'And I suppose you're going to blame this on the inverted yield curve, too!'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

Catholic Dieter's Dilemma

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."