Foodie Disappointer Gifts

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

Cafe Burns.

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'My French is not so good.'

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

"He's a fussy eater."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

'Do you have a royalty card?'

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

What do you suggest for someone on a diet who wants to leave room for dessert?

'Push away from the food, good...'