Failed Foodie Gifts

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Cafe Burns.

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'My French is not so good.'

"He's a fussy eater."

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

Sushi Spinoffs

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

"There could be a table in your future - or - dessert in someone else's."

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.