Failed Foodie Pillows

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Cafe Burns.

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'My French is not so good.'

"He's a fussy eater."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

Sushi Spinoffs

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

"There could be a table in your future - or - dessert in someone else's."

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner