Friend With A Fussy Pet Gifts

"Oh, I'll eat it, but I sure as heck won't wag my tail..."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

Canine Scentipede

"This never happened."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

Christmas Pets

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Garbage Piñata

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Chasebook

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Humans are strange."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

Labrador Non-retriever

Separation

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Examination.

Dog scared of a toad jumps onto a 'Beware the Dog' sign.

The Tutankhamen Expedition 1908 (The Economy Version).