Friend With A Fussy Pet Pillows

"Oh, I'll eat it, but I sure as heck won't wag my tail..."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"This never happened."

Canine Scentipede

Christmas Pets

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Humans are strange."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

Chasebook

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

Separation

Labrador Non-retriever

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

"Cat park"

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Dog on balconey in city sniffing tree in pot

Dog scared of a toad jumps onto a 'Beware the Dog' sign.