Friend Who Is Getting Married Gifts

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Yes ... no!"

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

So, what brings you two here today? Amanda Kern. Comics counseling.

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Childbirth and Covid 19

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"There you go again, withdrawing into your shell..."

"Remember when we used to wonder whether to kiss on the first date?"

"How did his last remark make you feel?"

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

"My favourite part of the wedding ceremony was when the minister said "repeat after me"..."

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."

The Happiest Hen in Abingdon.

They said it would never last. Even the photographer used a disposable camera.

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"What if you look at it as your wife's need for attention rather than simply a wedgie?"