Friend's Spouse Gifts

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

I will study my speling words...

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Yes ... no!"

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

'Trade you lunches?'

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

So, what brings you two here today? Amanda Kern. Comics counseling.

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."