Friend Getting Married Gifts

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'It's two hours until the reception. I can easily get in nine holes.'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"My favourite part of the wedding ceremony was when the minister said "repeat after me"..."

"Yes ... no!"

"Congratulations. Now you can let her conscience be your guide."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'I always cry at weddings!'

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'