Friend Getting Married Gifts

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'It's two hours until the reception. I can easily get in nine holes.'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"My favourite part of the wedding ceremony was when the minister said "repeat after me"..."

"Yes ... no!"

"Congratulations. Now you can let her conscience be your guide."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'Do you Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure John takes his cholesterol lowering medication every day?'

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'