Friend Experiencing Marital Issues Gifts

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Diplomacy

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

So, what brings you two here today? Amanda Kern. Comics counseling.

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"There you go again, withdrawing into your shell..."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'