Friend Experiencing Marital Issues Gifts

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Diplomacy

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"There you go again, withdrawing into your shell..."