Friend In A Complicated Relationship Gifts

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

The End is Near...You Wish.

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

'It's a guide for married couples called Love Without Sex.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

"If you had to choose between your husband and a million dollars...what would you buy?"

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

'Tunnel of divorce'

"The only dancing my husband ever did was sidestepping responsibility."

"Ok. Agreed. She'll get the frisbee and rubber ball and you get to keep the bone."

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

"My marriage has broken up. Well, half broken up. I'm still here."