Friend Dealing With Infidelity Gifts

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

The End is Near...You Wish.

'Right, how can I help you?'

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

'The first wives club'

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

"Your wife ran off with your best friend? Interesting... go with that."

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

"If you had to choose between your husband and a million dollars...what would you buy?"

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

'No, Keith. It isn't just the same as me bringing Teddy to bed!'

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

"Every time I start to get close to a woman an alarm goes off in my head."

"So you think I should just ignore it?"

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'