Navigating Infidelity Gifts

'Right, how can I help you?'

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Better get two dozen. She won't be able to hit you as hard with both arms full."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

"Your husband is fooling around."

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

"Hold it right there buster! Is that a wedding ring I can see?"

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

Dating Do's and Don'ts

"Your wife ran off with your best friend? Interesting... go with that."

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

'The first wives club'

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

"If you kept up with my blog, you'd understand."

"So you think I should just ignore it?"

'-you would tell me if there was someone else, wouldn't you, Doris

'No, Keith. It isn't just the same as me bringing Teddy to bed!'

'...I'm leaving you for Reg next door'

"Please Mr. Ainsworth - He may talk!"

'We recorded your wife's activities like you asked and-well...Are you sure you want to see the photos, Mr. Watts?'

Another Case of Domestic Violins.

'I can forgive you, Nichole - but I can never forget.'

'It's our wedding anniversary today, Pete, I bet my husband forgets all about it, again.'

Emotional Strongman

'I was just curious to see what my husband spends all his money on...'

X marks the spot.

"All right, so I made a mistake."