Discovering Infidelity Gifts

"All right, so I made a mistake."

"Your husband is fooling around."

'I was just curious to see what my husband spends all his money on...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"Better get two dozen. She won't be able to hit you as hard with both arms full."

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

'Right, how can I help you?'

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"Hold it right there buster! Is that a wedding ring I can see?"

Mort, you haven't dealt with your anger over Sadie's infidelity. Tell her how you feel. Okay. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. You're a harlot and a tramp. Whatever. Mort, get some heart into it. Use your bullhorn. Harlot!!! Jerk!!! Good, feel the bitter recrimination.

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

"Your wife ran off with your best friend? Interesting... go with that."

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

'The first wives club'

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'-you would tell me if there was someone else, wouldn't you, Doris

"So you think I should just ignore it?"

'...I'm leaving you for Reg next door'

'No, Keith. It isn't just the same as me bringing Teddy to bed!'

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Ohmygosh! What? What? Is a Kardashian here? Major scandal. Epic proportions. Infidelity of the highest order. Sadie Cohen has been cheating on Uncle Mort. Can you believe it? Sadie! The very image of perfection revealed as a fraud! She's not the image of perfection. Stick with me. This is for narrative purposes. Oh, fine. No way! But she's so perfect!

"If you kept up with my blog, you'd understand."

'It's our wedding anniversary today, Pete, I bet my husband forgets all about it, again.'

'We recorded your wife's activities like you asked and-well...Are you sure you want to see the photos, Mr. Watts?'

"The wife is out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor. I wouldn't mind but she passed her test in 1983!"

'I can forgive you, Nichole - but I can never forget.'

Emotional Strongman

Another Case of Domestic Violins.