Suspecting Infidelity Gifts

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

'Right, how can I help you?'

"Your husband is fooling around."

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

"Hold it right there buster! Is that a wedding ring I can see?"

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'I followed your husband yesterday. He spent the whole day following you.'

"Your wife ran off with your best friend? Interesting... go with that."

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

"What you see, Monica, is a facade. Neat, huh?"

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

'What she doesn't see in him is a mystery to me.'

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

'The first wives club'

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

"Never trust a man! Rupert told me he was vegetarian, but guess what I found in his pocket....spare ribs and roast beef!"