Infidelity Investigator Gifts

"Come on, you're the store detective, is my husband having an affair with the checkout girl or not?"

Another Case of Domestic Violins.

'Are you sure there isn't anyone else, Julie?'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

Trickledown economics

Horse meat scandal.

"Don't worry, we'll never negotiate with the enemy."

Fake Counterfeit Money

Surveys and economic interests

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

Angry priest clutching car keys storms into church, saying: 'It's about time the Holy Father made inconsiderate parking a sin.'

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'I'll need four character references.'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

Identity theft' is a big risk these days... criminals assuming your persona to commit fraud...' '...so I got a quote for 'identity theft insurance' last week... it was a lot cheaper than I'd anticipated.' 'Apparently my personality is only a 'Group 3'.'

Three Little Pigs Insurance Scam.

"Everybody's somebody's contra."

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"Your husband is fooling around."

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"