Unfaithfulness Analyst Gifts

'-you would tell me if there was someone else, wouldn't you, Doris

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'They sort of grow on you.'

The whole club stands behind the coach...

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'