Friendship Analyst Gifts

Two-Facedbook.

"Of course if you miss a payment the friendship ceases."

'I'm out of the loop!'

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

'It is time. Let us begin the painstaking process of building our cocoons.'

'I'm his support system.'

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

'Connie told Sharon that Beth said you're 2-faced, Joy.'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"These feelings of yours aren't unusual - in fact, several of them have Web sites."

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'