Family Relationship Analyst Gifts

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."