Relationship Analysts Gifts

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

'Do you think she's too young for me?'

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

Enthusiasm Making love & Waging war

Couple burning romance graffiti

"'Shake well. Settling is normal.' I feel better and I haven't even taken it."

'Do online affairs count?'

'No, the divorce isn't your fault. Of course, you didn't help things by finding Daddy with Mrs. Ferguson.'

'Darling leave the box off tonight.'

'It's not the age difference, Larry - it's the wage difference.'

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"Have you any idea of the breakup value of this marriage?"

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

"My computer just texted me."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'You've changed since we got married.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"