Family Dynamics Analyst Gifts

"The trouble with you, son, is that you won't take any responsibility for your actions..." "And whose fault is that?"

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'How will this affect my inheritance?'

"When I left for school this morning, were we getting along, or did I promise never to talk to you again?"

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"And remember, son, perception isn't reality - money is."

'Wow, great marks. Don't tell Daddy - he already suspects you're not his.'

"My Mom thinks I should clean my room. I'd like a second opinion."

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

'You NEVER like any of my boyfriends!'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

Second Marriage Vows.

'I tried that once, son, but your mother caught me. She always gets her man.'

For Today's Dad

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

The Remfords sense that the rebellious teen years have arrived.

"How did Megan's soccer game go? I've never seen such anger, violence, name calling, threats...those parents made me so mad!"

"Can't you two settle this like adults?"

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

'Trust your mother to snuff it when I've just printed her address on eight labels.'

'Oh look Dave. Mother's bought us a lovely new pair of matching towels! '

"That's my new au pair, Mr. Cochran, formerly with A.T.&T."

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

Wicked Stepmother's Day.

"Son, you don't need social media to make you feel inadequate and misunderstood - you've got your parents for that."

Red card

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Did you see that mum? Eric nearly enjoyed himself.'

'They like to call it 'parenting,' but it's just an outmoded seniority system.'

"She was right about something...and I was wrong about something."

"Are you just saying that so I'll vote to keep you as my parents in November?"

"Stop blaming your parents. Blame the media."