Family Dynamics Analyzer Gifts

'I'll tell you why it's called paradise. No mother-in-law!'

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

'Mother, NOT with the crochet hook!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Polygamists' Picnic

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Having nannies really changes you."

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."